Keziah83's Blog

Some people are in your life because you choose them, others are there because of your school or work. But there are some people who really have a purpose of being there. The ones who teach you something, the ones who listen to you, the ones who out of no where will become more important than what you ever imagine.  Those who without even knowing who you are will give you advice or push you to your limits to become what you want.

The ones who inspire you, the ones who you look up to. These people are there to help us become better people, to help us meet our dreams.

I’m lucky to have found that, the minute I walked into my first class last year, there she was, the one who has helped me go trough this whole year, the one that always had time to listen to me, the one who taught me how wonderful it is to follow your dreams, the one who helped me find a new passion .

Is such a great feeling to have found such an amazing person, that has affected my life greatly. In the future when I look back at my college years, I will thank God as I already do, for having put such an amazing person in my life when I needed it the most.

Lately I’ve had these weird dreams. These dreams are so real, I can feel, smell, breath in them. Is like I’m not dreaming.  I wonder what dreams really mean, and why are they there.

As  psychology student I have learned many things about dreams, and I agree with a lot of these theories. But I also believe that some dreams are messages, divine or evil messages that infiltrates in our minds. One of the most powerful reasons I have to make me believe that is that many times I have dreamed about people, people who I have not seen in a long time, that just pop up in my dreams for no reason, and the next day I see these people in my dreams. Is like I’m getting this text letting me know that I’m going to see or hear something about that person. I’m not a superstitious person, but I think dreams have more meanings than what science says about

them..

When I planned on coming to Holland, people always told me that I was going to surely hate the weather, it is always cold, cloudy and gray, they said. I always told them, come on I lived in New York for one year, and was really cold in the winter and I actually love it. But I was wrong…is not the same at all.

Holland is colder and the thing is that bad weather goes on and on, it does not stop. It is supposed to be almost summer, and we still get cold days as the winter days.

But today is not bad at all, the sun is out and is not cold, a great day to enjoy. But some of us can’t due to other responsibilities. But yeah, there is finally some sun and good weather here. Is not comparable as the one I’m used to, but it helps.

I never thought I would say this, but I miss the Caribbean, the beach, the sun, the sand. I really can’t wait  to see and feel them again..:P

I’m  watching this T.V. Show that I used to watch maybe 12 years ago, and as weird as it may sound  still enjoyed the same.  But what I actually wanted to talk about is that in one of the chapters one of the lead roles heard about something called intense desire, it is when you want something so bad you just stay focus on that until it happens, and if it happens you have to keep focusing on it and nothing else. This woman did it, she wanted rain, and she actually got rain, she sat there in the same place for almost 24 hours and it rained for that long. Ok I know this is a tv show, but the point I want to make is that I think that is actually something that can occur in reality, there are many times in which I want something so bad, that it actually occurs. I don’t sit in one place like she did and only concentrate on that, but I do ask for it a lot, the entire day if it is possible.
And no lies, my wishes become reality.

It may sound a little crazy and superstitious, but I really believe in the intense desire, the willing to get something or for something to happen, can get it closer to us.

Sometimes when I want simple things like my mom, or mt family to call me, I sit and wish and hope for it and it actually happens.

The more you want something, the closer and faster it will come to you..:)

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I remember growing up in family in which tattoos were seen as something sinful, therefore I never really had any kind of interest for them. As the years passed I changed so much as a person, I started to view things differently than when I was a child.

One of the things that changed dramatically was my love for tattoos. I started looking at tattoos in a different way.  Now it wasn’t only the “rough people” who had them, but more and more people were getting attached to this art,so was I.

Even thought my body is not covered in tattoos, I love the art.And honnestly I’,m trying really hard not to get more, I know it is going to be hard, because tattoos can be addictive.

Millions of people in the world walk around with tattoos, some just for pure trend, others as a life style, others to remember or symbolized something. The reasons for getting a tattoo can be uncountable, because it all depends on the person and the purpose.

My tattoos are both symbols of love and friendship, something that we all need in life in other to go on. When I got them people used to ask me if I was not going to regret, I said I can’t erase my memories and that is what these tattoos are memories…

Your tenderness and way to love is what has helped me  become who I am. Your way  of think is what makes you different to all the mothers that know. The conection that I  have with you is what causes me to trust you.  The sacrifices that you have done are the ones that give me strenght to keep on fighting. When I think about everything that you  have done for me,  I acknowlegde that you are an incoparable person.  You are my best friend, my confident, my therapist , my teacher, my doctor, my mother, all in one.  You understand me, you support me,  you bear with  me,  you give me advise, you instruct me.  There is not doubt that God did a great job by making you my mom, because even though you were a young girl  when you had me, you  knew how to give me the love that I needed, thanks for dedicating your youth to me.When you didn’t even understand the great deal of bringing a child to the world.  You still did it, and raised me.  Thanks for taking your time to teach me to be the woman that iam..  Although we are different in personality, because  of you I am who  Iam. Mother there is only one, some say, an dthey are right, because that mother is my mother. The best mother in the world.There is nothing in this world that can change the love and the respect that I have for  you.  I wish that God grants you all your wishes and help you reach your desires.   I love you with all my soul.

” Hi, do you remember me?” That’s what someone said to me in the train station a while ago,  I was like uh, sorry but I think you got the wrong person. The person started to talk about the place ” we met and what we were doing” But once again, I said, I’m sorry you have the wrong person. He looked so confused as of he couldn’t believe that he was wrong, he was so sure that it was me, that even I started to wonder if maybe I was the one with a bad memory. But then I again, unless I was really drunk if it was me, I should be able to remember. So no, I said, sorry to disappoint you, but you really do have the wrong person.

I’ve had this so many times I thought, why do always people confuse me for others, maybe I have a twin some where,mmm, maybe not a twin but multiple sister around the world. It was actually funny to think about that, but at some point it was a serious thought.  How can it be possible that people always think that I look and act like someone that I don’t even know exist. How possible can it be that there are people in the world that look and act just like others, I thought everyone was supposed to be different. I can understand looking like my brothers, or my mom, or even my grandmother, but a total stranger, come on.The worst of all is that people seem to really be sure, that means that this person they saw, spoke to, may even act the same way I do.

It will be actually scary to walk on the street one day and see my double. I think the first thing I would do is call my parents and ask them If they didn’t lose a child…

The word only sounds sad! Sometimes I wondered why people would complain about being lonely, when for me it was a better way to find my self.  Actually it is  still the best way for me to find my self when I feel overwhelmed or sad. But now that I live in a country in which I’m practically alone, I’ve started to understand what the word really means.  I am living in The Netherlands for about one year in 5 months, and now more than ever I’m feeling that this word is affecting my life.

I have met so many new people, and being lonely could be something that I have chosen. But as the day pass I realize how important it is to have people who  you love and love you around. People that you share memories and stories with, people who are just there for you when you need someone to talk to or just watch a movie and be silly. People that would let you know how much they care about you no matter what.

Is an entire different way of loneliness, is not one you choose, but one that simply happen, one that you can’t enjoy because there is nothing good about it.When before being lonely meant peace for me, now it means sadness. I start thinking about my family and friends that I left back home, wondering if they miss me as much as I miss them and if it is worth being all the way here without them. Here is something I wrote for them one of my lonely nights.

When I had you next to me, I sometimes did not appreciate what it meant, now that you are thousands of miles away, I wish to be around you at least to see your faces. The times that we spent together are intact in my head  and every night I think of them, hoping that I could at least see you in my thoughts. I was blessed when God choose you as my family and friends, he really did a great job, he knew we would fit in perfectly and he was right, we do.

A couple of days ago I came back home from having a great night with one of my best friends. We were a little bit drunk I may say, but we were also very hungry, as we debate on going to sleep or making something to eat, we finally decided that we couldn’t go to bed with our empty stomachs.

As the food was cooking I decided to go outside, I could already see the sun coming up, but it was still dark, I could see the darkness becoming lighter and lighter. I stood up on my balcony for minutes enjoying the wonderful view. But in a  sudden I realized, that there was more to enjoy that just the view. It was actually very quite, no car sounds, no music, nothing but the sound of nature, the wind slighty blowing, the birds saying hello to a new day in their own language. I had forgotten how wonderful the sound of the morning is.

Sometimes I forget about how wonderful it is to stop for a minute with my busy life and enjoy nature. The peace I felt at the moment was something I was searching for a while. I didn’t know it was just hours away.

I  always wondered why  elderly people wake up early every day,  and I believe this might be one of the reasons. I  miss the best part of the day.

The morning sound , didn’t only relaxed me, but also reminded me how wonderful nature is . And how much I had forgotten that I can always find my peace with it.